Friday, July 22, 2016

No glorified plans - just need to get it together

My life is extremely out of balance right now.

During the "Staycation," I started going to bed really, really late and getting up really, really late. I wasn't working, so I decided that if that is what I wanted to do - I would do it.

Flash forward to this week, however, and everything remains upside down. Still going to bed too late. Still getting up too late. The funny (not) thing is - The Hubby has sort of fallen into the same pattern and although he keeps trying to blame me, he's doing it to himself.

Meanwhile, I've had another busy work week, plus I took on a pet sitting job. Because of the "day" job (writing), this means the pet sitting has been in the evening and I haven't been home to fix anything for dinner. So far this week, I've had Chinese food twice. BBQ (sooo good!), and Zaxby's.

Exercise? Fuh-getta-about-it...

Anyway, obviously, I'm on the wrong path. I've got to get it straightened out. I know this is not working. I just haven't figured out how to get it together. :-/

Friday, July 15, 2016

Where to go, what to do....

I didn't feel good at all yesterday. Just before bed last night I took my blood pressure and found that it was 151/97. This morning it was back into the "pre-hypertension" range, but...yeah...who am I kidding? Something needs to happen here and it needs to happen soon.

I went to bed and woke up thinking about Weight Watchers. Maybe I should try Simply Filling and commit to it. Maybe I should try the Points again. Maybe if I actually went to the meetings...

I was well on my way to signing back up again and then I went to the Weight Watcher group's Facebook page that I follow. There were all these recipes for 2, 4, and 6 Point foods and comments about people's lunches and how low of points that they were....and then...I felt the knot in my stomach growing.

It hasn't worked the numerous other times I've tried it. (I really wish I had the real number....but I'm pretty sure that I have joined and un-joined at least 12 times since the initial Point plan started way back when). Do I really think that it is magically going to work for me now?

The problem is, I want my cake and I want to eat it too. I resent knowing that I only have 32 or 29 points to use in a day. What if I want something for lunch that equals 22 points? Then I have 10 points (or whatever) left to make it through the rest of the day.

Yes, I realize I need an attitude adjustment. Nothing taste as good as being skinny feels...yadda, yadda. My health should be more important than the food I stick in my mouth. I know that. It's just...when I'm on the is ALL I think about. Then, there's The Hubby - attempting to be both helpful and passive aggressive at the same time.

"Do you really think you need that?"

"Is that on the Points list that you can eat?" (which leads to trying to explain that you can eat ANYTHING as long as you stay in those points)

and then... "We haven't ate at the pizza place in a long time, I thought we might try eat there today...."

It's hard to tell someone that the best way they can help is to simply keep their mouth shut, but he really does often do more harm than good.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I need to do something. What that will ultimately be remains to be seen, but it is definitely time for something to happen.

Until next time~

Monday, July 11, 2016

Staycation and revelations

Sometimes it's almost amusing for me to read over my previous blog posts. I say things like "I'm going to make a plan..." or "I'm taking some time to think..." and then, of course, I do none of these things, or if I do it's never a completely thought through plan.

When I last blogged, I said I was taking a week off. Well, that part was true. I did take a week off.

Unfortunately, there was little relaxing and little time to think. Instead, we painted the kitchen and that kept us busy through most of the week. In a way, I'm really glad we finally got it done, but it wasn't what I had planned to do (not the WHOLE week anyway...), so here I am back at work today and while I feel I've accomplished something, I don't feel like I got to sit and think things through like I wanted to do.

Instead, I did have some revelations, which I guess needed to happen.

Revelation one: I am seriously out-of-shape and by that I mean I'm not a little out-of-shape, I am probably in the worst shape I have ever been in my life. After the first day of climbing up on the ladder, I developed knee pain that still hasn't completely gone away. In between painting, we went to places like Sam's Club and Home Depot and the entire process of walked around and shopping in these huge box stores literally wore me out! :-(

Revelation two: Painting the kitchen made me feel like I was taking back control of my life. The kitchen has been this flat white color since the day we moved in. I've never liked it, but I've never been able to deal with the smell of paint in the house, so I've tolerated it and put up with it for years. There is now a low/no VOC paint you can buy though and although it is not completely odor-free, I did find that I could paint and stay in the house with it. The kitchen is now a yellow-orange and it has really perked up my mood. I find I want to de-clutter the cabinets and get things off the counter and get it all organized.

Revelation three: I needed the time off. I was kind of bummed we didn't get to go anywhere (even locally), but having the time off from writing and deadlines and constantly having to come up with story ideas and angles to write about was getting to me. I was burned out even worse than I actually thought. Today, I'm not 100% raring to go, but I am more upbeat about getting back to it.

Revelation four: It really IS time for me to figure out this weight-loss thing. Just like I have been settling for a flat white colored kitchen, I have been settling on my appearance being less than stellar. I look awful (really, I do), but I have just continuously put up with it and allowed it to keep continuing to happen.

Anyway, I'm not going to sit here and type out that I'm going to change and start exercising and do all the things that I say I will do and then won't. Instead, I'm going to take what I learned and build on it. It's like waking I've woke up from simply going through the drudges of life and now want to participate in it and do and be my best.

Will this new found attitude stay with me or will it drift away as all my weight loss plans have done in the past? I don't know, but it should be interesting to find out.

Until next time~

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

All I do is win, win, win...make that work, work work...

Can't really complain when business is going good, but I'm snowed under with work so exercise and clean eating have gone right out the window....not that it was really happening much before the work picked up...but...I'm just not even really able to think about it right now.

Hopefully, I can make it through this week and things will slow down next week. After that, I'm taking a week off and plan to do a lot of soul searching and thinking about stuff. Not going anywhere, but there are things to do around the house and I'm hoping for some "me" time. We'll see. I could tell The Hubby was suddenly considering taking time off too when I mentioned it. If he does, plans will probably all go out the window because it's kind of like having a little kid around, he's always in the same room and he gets "underfoot." Nine rooms in this house, but it seems like he, the dog and I are always in the same room at the same time.

Anyway, still here. Still stumbling along.

Until next time~

Monday, June 6, 2016

Monday Meanderings

It's time.

I know I keep saying that, but seriously...something has to give. I stepped on the scale this morning and 300 was looking back at me. Thankfully, I realized that the bathmat had worked its way under the scale on one side and I don't know what the deal was, but when I got it off of that and back on a flat surface, I was back around 293.5.

Not that 293.5 is a good number by any means, because if you have been following my blog for a while, then you know that I was holding around 282 almost all of last year. least that got me away from the big scary number that I have been steadily inching up to little by little.

Initially, when I saw 300 though - it kind of made my heart stop though. I know, that if I ever get to where 300 is my new regular number, all hope is going to be lost. I will accept it and then 300 will become 302 and 305 and then 310...and...I just don't want to see that happen, which it will if I don't take action.

Although there are a lot of things that should be motivating me (better health,look better, etc, etc)...the one thing that IS kind of pushing me toward really doing something about this is the realization that next year The Hubby's niece is getting married. I do NOT want to be the biggest one there. I don't want to be in a panic about finding something to where and then ending up with something that looks awful one me, but is the only thing I can fit into. I don't want the subtle comments from her mother and I don't want to end up in wedding pictures looking old, fat and dumpy.

I don't know when the wedding is. I'm not sure if she has officially set the date because she has been very picky about where she wants the wedding venue, but it sounds like it will be a fall wedding, so that gives me about a year and three or four months to make this happen. Doable - right?

That would mean I would need to lose 8 pounds a month, which would be 128 pounds by next September. I would then weigh 165, which...ironically is my new goal weight after I did one of those weight assessment things that calculates what you should weigh based on age, height, etc..

Anyway, I haven't worked out all the details, but the plan is forming. Onward and forward.

Until next time~

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Thinking about it Thursday

Yes, I'm still here.

I realized when I looked back that I think I only blogged once or twice for May. Now, here we are in June and the year is half over. Where did the time go?

At the first of the year, I really thought I would be down about 50 pounds or so by now. 2 pounds a week, 8 pounds a months...should have had me at 48 pounds.

Instead, I'm half a pound higher than where I started around January 1st. It is seriously depressing.

I haven't started back exercising and my eating still leaves a lot to be desired, but I can say that there is a small spark again that has me at least thinking about doing something. I guess that's a start - right?

Anyway, it's a song and dance I've done a million times before, but I am trying to figure it out. Do I do Weight Watchers again? Should I join a gym? Should I drive far and take Tai Chi? On and on...

Hopefully, when I report in again I will have finally made some decisions about what to try or what to do. Hope springs eternal, I guess.

Until next time~

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Talk about it Tuesday

I'm thinking that perhaps I should have said that I would not be blogging much because then I might have been on here all the time. Instead, my plans for using this blog for blog therapy hasn't exactly worked out as planned.

That doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking about things or trying to figure out a way to get myself back on track. I just haven't had the time or inclination to get on here an write something.

So - what's been going on in my world of fitness and weight loss?

I've managed to walk twice. I've gone from being able to do the whole big circle (at the park I like to walk at) to being able to do only the small circle, which is not quite a mile. My pace is like turtles wading through peanut butter. I'm slow and I could just kick myself for having to start all over yet again.

Meanwhile, I went to the doctor for my bloodwork to see how the thyroid was doing. He did a full blood panel, which (according to him) shows that I am pre-diabetic. He has said this before and then the next time - everything was fine, so I'm not sure whether there is anything to this or not. It did, however, make me think - maybe it is FINALLY time to start doing something about this weight.

Only...yeah, that hasn't actually started happening yet. 

It's not that my health is not important to me, but I'm still not making it a priority. I seem to place everything else ahead of it. I realize that is messed up, because without your health, what exactly have you got? But, I still find myself putting work in front of it and then finding excuses the rest of the time. Too tired. It's too cold. It's too hot. It's too close to dinnertime. I'm too hungry to walk.

I'm not exactly sure what has to happen to knock some sense in to me. I thought that hitting the big 3-0-0 might have scared me enough to make me take action, but while I sat up and took notice, it still hasn't been the catalyst that I need. I even thought that after having lunch with a friend of mine (who is heavier than I am) might do it for me after she sat there talking about all of her recently diagnosed health issues. She has everything from breathing issues to more serious heart issues. For a couple of days, I kept thinking --- "That is going to be you," but even that hasn't gotten me saying "It's finally time."

Anyway, still not giving up. I just...can't quite seem to make this weight loss thing a priority. I know I'm important enough that I should, but I'm just mentally not there yet.

Until next time~