It's been a rough week here. Work wise. Eating wise. Exercise wise...and just life wise, in general.
Yesterday and Wednesday, I had what I can only describe as an anxiety attack followed by a migraine. It didn't take me too long to sort through all the feelings to realize that I am depressed. I think this was triggered by yet another letter from my mother, in which she goes on and on about the weather and cleaning her house, but once again doesn't acknowledge the pain or hurt that she has caused me.
Put this with the fact that one of the companies I rely on for work is shutting down for two weeks and my Merry Christmas has become a blue Christmas very fast.
Exercise? Uh, yeah...that's not happening right now. I'm trying to get as much work done as I can...except...that didn't happen either because yesterday the migraine was too bad to be on the computer much and the day before...I just kind of had a meltdown and only got one article done.
I realized somewhere over the last two days...I hate December. My Dad always got kind of down and I see now that I am the exact same way. The stress is amplified. We are expected to feel happy when we aren't. We are thrown together with relatives we don't care for or even down right don't like and yet, we are suppose to act merry and pretend we are happy to see them. The Hubby keeps suggesting all these ways we can include the MIL in different things..."oh, let's take her out"..."oh, let's see if she wants to go do this"..."oh, let's go to her house and drop off this poinsettia...."
Perhaps one of the biggest things that got me yesterday was that once again...we have been invited to a New Year's Eve party and once again...he shot the idea down before I even had the whole sentence out of my mouth. This means I can go alone (sure to cause more stress on our already fractured relationship) or spend another boring monotonous evening of eating out and then coming home waayyy too early to watch the ball drop while our neighbors set off fireworks and have a merry time all around us.
Anyway, I'm not sure how much I'll be posting between now and the end of the year. I don't see any reason to spread the misery with my blog posting...but...I may vent here or there...or perhaps something nice will happen and I'll feel like sharing. Regardless, I'll be back in January if not before...but for now... the only sentiment I can come up with is....