It's not just a "I didn't sleep well last night" type of tired though, but a "bone-weary" type of tired where you begin to wonder if something is medically wrong with you. I've been that way most of the week and for a little while I was suspecting that maybe it was my thyroid again.
I tried to meditate a couple of days ago. It didn't go very well because as soon as I tried to quiet my mind...all these thoughts rushed in.
"You need to put the clothes in the wash machine into the dryer." My brain says.
"Shhh, we're trying to meditate." I reply.
"Yeah, well....I'm not going to do this for a full 10 minutes."
"We're only doing this for 5 minutes today."
"You know, this is really going to throw you off your schedule for today."
"It's ONLY 5 minutes."
"You really need to dust that table off over there."
"Are the 5 minutes up yet?"
After about two minutes of that...I gave up and decided to try a relaxation exercise instead. THAT was when it hit me. I realized that I am in a perpetual "fight or flight" mode. My shoulders were squished up next to my ear lobes. My back was tight. My jaw was clenched.
I am a mess.
I have the feeling of walking on eggshells. I'm stressed about money. I'm stressed about my writing business. I'm stressed about this goose egg on my cheekbone that doesn't want to go away (I know the doctor said it would be a slow process, but I feel like a freak.). I'm stressed about never having any time to do anything and always feeling like I'm behind.
It's no wonder I'm tired all the time. I'm on stress overload.
So...today...I'm going to try something different. At six o'clock I'm going to try to find a Tai Chi or Qi Gong video on YouTube and try to do it. A friend has been doing it and says she is feeling a lot less stressed, so I'm going to give it a try.
I know things have to change or I'm going to end up in the hospital or worse. Self first...right? I just need to remember that.